In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
