i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
high people should be assigned attendants
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
