so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
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The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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