Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I want to have your abortion
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
