We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
