Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
