I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
