I'm drive I can fine osifer
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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