I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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