he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
