you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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