can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
