How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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