Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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