forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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