I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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