you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
