theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
