do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
