Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
