There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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