I love black thongs
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
