Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
