As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
