Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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