I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My penis needs a shock collar
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
