Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
