this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
