so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
