seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
