I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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