I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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