saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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