singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
