Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
