I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
