im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
