careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
