Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
