Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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