So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
