Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
