I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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