you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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