We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
