I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize