I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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