dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
