You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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