Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize