never play flip cup with pint glasses
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
