i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
