The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
