i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
