I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
