I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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