i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
