I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
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just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
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So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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