I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
