Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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