I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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