shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
