is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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