Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
