The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
