anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
