why didn't you poke me back
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
