there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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