My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
