so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
