i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
