I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
