I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
