i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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