I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Randomize
