Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize