They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
