You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my being single is dangerous.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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