My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
