Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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